Witness’ Top
20
The Top 20 Traits of
a False Teacher
This is my experience with MANY false teachers. In my 20
plus years of salvation I have fallen for almost every one of them. The most
prominent I did not succumb to were the barking dogs and the blab it and grab
its. If anyone reading this is one of these, I am sorry, I do not mean to
offend. I hate labels and in this instance use them for for my convenience only.
Speaking about labels, let’s get started:
1.A false teacher MUST
categorize and label everyone. If you fail to identify your own label, they are
compelled to give you one. Some labels consist of a prefix (pre-, post-, mid-,
anti-, pro-, etc.) and/or a suffix (-ism, -ite, -ant, etc.). On the other hand,
they tell you no one can label them because they are so complex or so radical or
so unorthodox that no label could possibly fit them. Anyone offending them is
given their standard label: Liar.
2. Everything (EVERYTHING!) they write
or say is NOT simple and easily understood. This is for one reason: The are
fulfilling their own need for self -importance. The more difficult to
comprehend, the more “deep” they seem.
3. They speak in “code”. They
write everything like a lawyer would write it. They do this so people will
understand just enough to keep reading but not enough to consider themselves
“learned” enough to stop. If challenged, they then have wiggle room. They can
honestly say “I did not mean that” because they meant at least two or more
things.
4. They like to see themselves (their name and/or their picture)
on their books, tapes (audio and VHS), and newsletters.
5. They give you
a daily update on hard they are working. They do this so you will feel sorry for
them and send them more money for more “workers.”
6. The false teacher
claims to have had something special revealed ONLY to him or her. This is
another reason why they have so much to write about. In fact, they typically
offer deluxe tape sets for these “revelations.”
7. Anyone who does not
understand their writings (or their “teachings”) and does not support their
“ministry” (that’s the next point) and speaks out against them is an idiot, a
moron, a lamebrain, a cretin, a bozo, a mental midget, an infidel, or an
apostate. Each of them has their favorite pet term, but they use the others
liberally when needed (especially when “under attack” by the “enemy”).
8.
For the false teacher, there is no such thing as anyone else being honestly
mistaken. Instead, they are liars. Occasionally when a nonsupporter (one of the
unfortunates in No. 7) utters a mistake they are then doubly called “a lying
idiot,” “a lying moron,” “a lying lamebrain,” etc.
9. They always have a
“ministry.” They name it after themselves or they may choose a name that
reflects their superior intellect (for example, “Institute of…,” ) or their
advanced revelation (for example, “Keeper of the …”)
10. They always have
one or more highly visible supporters (read robotons). It’s their role to throw
the fiery darts when their master (oops, sorry…I mean “mentor”) comes under
attack. They are qualified for this role by virtue of their automatic acceptance
of everything their master articulates (sorry…there I go again). I should also
note that these are the people I most grieve for because I was almost one of
them a couple of times.
11. They have reserved for themselves a permanent
seat in the higher room. Not because there were none in the lower but so they
can look down at us, their constituency.
12. They never examine
themselves like we are told. Instead they examine the rest of us.
13.
Although they may say something like “I am sorry I lost my temper” or “I am
sorry I said that word” they NEVER express Godly sorrow because they have no
need to. Again that is for the rest of us.
14. They are experts at
identifying the mark of the beast. Collectively, they have identified over 150
individual “marks” (drivers licenses, social security cards, CIA MK ULTRA
implants, RFID chips, etc.). Each false teacher has identified the mark for us
bozos so make sure you do not take it. (Mmm, now which ONE is right?)
15.
They claim to know everything. These are the ONLY people I know who, when asked
ANY question about the meaning and interpretation of ANYTHING in God’s Word can
give you an answer off the top of their head without even thinking more than a
nanosecond. I have NEVER (NOT ONE TIME) heard any of them I know say “I don’t
know.” It can be about prophecy, parables, etc. They consider this their most
notable achievement.
16. When challenged, they suddenly appear with
thousands and thousands of words that are very similar to their “code.” These
phenomena of theirs increased dramatically with cut and paste and has since
grown uncontrollably with Google. (They love their Google).
17. They
stand strong on “doctrines.” The problem is it is always the wrong
doctrines—theirs.
18. They know each other and have an occasional
“retreat”, “conference” or radio show together. Although, they do not openly
disagree, they agree very little on important scriptural issues. They are also
willing to co-attack each other’s idiots, morons, bozos, liars, etc.
19.
They ALL (every single one) have their favorite “study tools” which many times
they coincidentally Have for sale. As one of their students, they encourage you
(read nag and nag and nag) until you buy them--preferably from them.
20.
They are such important prophecy experts that they have a burden to endlessly
scan the internet and download, analyze and post every single article ever
written about every single news event. They must do this because us idiots are
too stupid to put two and two together to know what is going on prophetically
(plus, they like to hear themselves talk). Most important to them, it keeps the
focus off Jesus Christ and puts it on the heathens, pagans and infidels here in
Babylon.
I have fallen time and time again. Until I pitched them all, I
owned all their books, tape libraries, and study aides. My Top 20 was not
written with any one in mind.
Do these traits describe any “teacher” you
know?